Fear

Maanjhi

Ek naav si hi hoti hai ye zindagi.
Jis disha me le jana chaaho,
Us disha mein hi ye jayegi.
Toofan aane par ladkhadayegi,
Par thik se sambhaalo toh
Sambhal bhi jayegi.
Ek naav si hi hoti hai ye zindagi.

Aapne dusron ki kashti ko
doobte zarur dekha hoga.
Par unki kashti doobi kyunki
Wo usse sambhaal na paaye.
Aur us nazaare ke dar se
Agar aap is vishal samandar
Ki sair ko na nikle,
toh manjhi kaise kehlaoge?

Darr sabko lagta hai,
par dar se darkar agar
Aap pehle hi haar maan loge,
Toh ye zindagi kaise jiyoge?

Ye zindagi tujhe girayegi,
Is zindagi ka dastur yahi hai.
Par gir kar ruk jana,
Ye tera dastur nahi hai.

Uth, badh, par ghabra kar na ruk.
Nikaal kashti aur bhid un lehron se.
Takra, ladkhada, par haar na maan,
Aur jeet kar aa.

Ek naav si hi hoti hai ye zindagi.
Jis disha me le jana chaaho,
Us disha mein hi ye jayegi.

-Abhishek Gupta

My Crippling Depression

It follows me everywhere I go.
It never ever leaves me alone.

From morning till night.
It’s always lingering around me.

I stay alone, but I’m never really alone.
It sleeps beside me, every single night.
I repeat, I stay alone.

So sometimes, it’s frightening.
It so frightening, that it sends,
Shivers down my spine.

I hyperventilate.
I cannot think straight.
My head starts brimming,
with thoughts, sick and grim.
I cannot concentrate.
The light in my eyes,
Starts getting dim.

I fall, but I’m still standing.

I feel I’m going to die, alone.
Now I’m panicking, even more.
My eyes start getting shut,
I try to stay awake, but i cannot.
So I just lie down and
then i go into a shock.

Darkness lingers in front of my eyes.
Then, I sleep. I sleep, for a long fuckin’ time.

And When i wake up, I see myself,
Drenched in sweat, still panicking,
Blood rushing to my head.

But I thank God, for I’m not, dead.

I do no drugs,
Not anymore.
I’ve been clean, from a long long time.

But IT has affected so much.
So much that now, again,
I doubt my sobriety.

It never ever leaves me alone.
My crippling depression
And this fuckin’ anxiety.

-Abhishek Gupta

Complexed

Your problems,
multiplied by your fear,
is equal to the anxiety
attack you experience.
If only, instead of multiplying it
by fear, you’d divide it by efforts,
your life would become
less complexed.

-Abhishek Gupta

Lost

I’ve lost the track of time.
I’ve lost the track of life.
Baffled amongst these
Exorbitant corrupted humans.
Who have even corrupted,
The purest creation of all, love.
I have even lost the track,
That where’s my life heading,
in this dark, dark world?

-Abhishek Gupta.

Lost My Zest.

I’ve lost my zest for life.
I do not know, if it’ll ever come back to me.
I do not know, why have I, become like this.
I do not know, what to do next.
Void my life has become, it feels.
Void my heart has become, it feels.
Writing was my only escape.
Only thing, which kept me sane.
I have lost my vision, it feels.
I’m going insane, it feels.
All my efforts, to overcome this,
It’s all going in vain.
I don’t even understand,
Why am I even feeling this pain?
It’s consuming me, day by day, bit by bit.
I want to write, like I used to, once again.
But I don’t know if I ever
will be able to do that.
For it feels, it feels like I’ve lost my wit.

-Somebody, please save me?

-Drowning in thoughts.

-Abhishek Gupta.

Depression.

Depression is not sadness. Stop considering it as one. It fucks you up from inside. If it has taken lives of people like Robin Williams, Chris Cornell and Chester Bennington, then it’s pretty darn real. Stop saying this “If you’re depressed, talk”. YOU SHOULD GO AND TALK TO THEM. If you feel someone is depressed. Go and talk to them. Don’t wait for them to come and talk to you. They might not. Help them.

– Depression kills.

– Abhishek Gupta.

Nomad.

My life, where is it leading me?
For this question, I got no answer.
Every day, I ask this, to myself.
Unanswered, every time, I fall asleep.
Long ago, I chose this path.
A journey, to accomplish my dreams.
So far, I’ve come, but now,
I don’t even remember,
What my dream used to be.
I am lost.
I am lost.
– Nomad.
– Abhishek Gupta.

Oscar Wilde.

Oscar Wilde once said,
“Each man kills the thing he loves.”
I never used to believe that.
Only when I stepped into adulthood.
I understood, how right he was.
Today, I’ve mastered the skills,
Of killing my own dreams.
– “Each man kills the thing he loves.”
– Life.
– Abhishek Gupta.

Chameleon.

Humans are somewhat like a chameleon.
The only difference between
a chameleon and human is that
It changes color to save itself,
Whilst humans change colors,
to harm others.
In disguise, they’ll come.
Friend or Foe.
You’ll never know.
– Keep your eyes open.
– Abhishek Gupta.

Anxiety attack.

Let me sum it up for you.
How it feels when a person,
Gets an anxiety attack.
You hyperventilate.
You cannot think straight.
Your head starts brimming,
with thoughts, sick and grim.
You cannot concentrate.
The light in your eyes,
Starts getting dim.
You fall, but you’re still standing,
You feel you’re going to die, alone.
Now you’re panicking, even more.
Your eyes start getting shut,
You try to stay awake, but you cannot,
You just lie down, then you go into a shock.
Darkness lingers in front of your eyes.
And then, you sleep.
You sleep, for a long time.
When you wake up, you see yourself,
Drenched in sweat, still panicking,
Blood rushing to your head.
But you thank God,
for you’re not, dead.
– That’s what I go through. That’s what I feel.
– Anxiety.
– Abhishek Gupta.