Sadness

Nadi Ki Tarah

Is zindagi ke safar mein,
ek nadi ki tarah main
humesha behta chala gaya.
Har gham, har dhokhe,
Jo mile mujhe,
mere hi apnon se,
Main chup chap,
sab yoon sehta chala gaya.
Par na maani haar
zindagi mein kabhi,
Kamzor nahi hoon,
na jhukunga kabhi,
Aisa main khud ko har pal
har lamha kehta chala gaya.
Aisa main khud ko har pal
har lamha kehta chala gaya.

Gira hoon zindagi ke har
padaav mein,
kabhi na kabhi.
Par kabhi ruka nahi.
Humesha utha aur
aage badhta gaya.
Log aksar tanha chhod
Jaate hai is safar mein,
Isi ka naam zindagi hai.
Aisa main apne toote dil
ko kehta chala gaya.

Is zindagi ke safar mein,
Ek nadi ki tarah main
humesha behta chala gaya.
Ek nadi ki tarah main
humesha behta chala gaya.

-Abhishek Gupta.

Drunk

Liquor in my hand.
I haven’t been drunk
for quite a while now.

I remember the last time I
held a liquor in my hand,
I drowned myself in it,
thinking it would help me,
to forget everything.

I feel like drowning
myself again.
But I know it won’t
help me, because,
it didn’t help me
the last time.

I’m drowning
in my sorrow.

-Abhishek Gupta

The Red Door

Can you save me?
From these fucked up
subliminal suicidal thoughts
which lurk inside my head.

Can you save me?
From the sleep paralysis
I suffer while I lay down still,
waiting for me to die in my bed.

Can you save me?
From my past,
which keeps coming back to me.
It comes back every night,
holds my hand, and
drags me towards that door.
That fucking door,
which looks blood soaked red.
ON my past and my losses,
my anxiety has fed.
I don’t remember how many times,
“I don’t wanna go in there,
please leave me alone”
I said.

But it never stops. It keeps dragging me
towards that door, that fucking door
which looks blood soaked red.

I don’t know what
lies ahead for me in life.
I don’t know if
I’m going to live my dreams,
Or I’m going to die,
giving up seeing all this strife.
I don’t know if I’ll ever fall in love again.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get to feel
how it feels to be loved again.
I don’t know if someone is
already trying to love me,
For I’m too busy isolating myself
and pushing people away.

I’m drowning in this
abyss of loneliness,
I want to be saved,
I want to save myself.
I don’t wanna die alone,
please pull me out of this hell.
Or I might, soon end up dead.

Can you save me?
From these fucked up
subliminal suicidal thoughts
which lurk inside my head.

-Abhishek Gupta

I Feel Nothing

I’ve lost so many people in my life, whom I loved from the core of my heart, that now I’ve become numb.

I’m not saying I’m saint and that I never made mistakes. I made mistakes, I overreacted in situations which could’ve been handled maturely, but I paid a heavy toll for my sensitive nature. I lost friends, who were precious to me more than myself.

But I tried to mend things, even though I was partly at fault. I decided to give them my love again, I tried to mend everything, but they refused it. Their ego didn’t let them accept their mistakes, so I ended up being hurt, all over again.

So yes, now, I don’t feel anything when I cut off people from my life, or if people cut me off from their life, because I’ve had enough of it, people playing with my feelings. My heart, now, is an abyss of nothingness. So those friends who ask me all the time, why did I change? Y’all are the reason I became what I am today.

-Abhishek Gupta

Read more about the article Jhonka Hawa Ka

Jhonka Hawa Ka

मेरे आँगन में
काफी पेड़ पौधे है।
हर दिवस मैं देखता हूँ
के कुछ पत्ते अपने
रंग को खो, सूख जाते है।

और वो सूखे पत्ते
उन हरे पत्तों की
खूबसूरती पर पर्दा
बन जाते है।

झोंका हवा का आता है,
और अपने साथ उन सूखे
पत्तों को उड़ा ले जाता है।

काश ऐसा ही कुछ हम
इंसानो के साथ भी होता।
वो बीते लम्हे जो हमारे
ज़िन्दगी में नशत के लमहो
को ठहरने ना देते है।

कोई हवा का झोंका आता
उन्हें भी अपने साथ ले जाता
तो शायद हम भी यूं अर्सो
महव-ए-यास ना रहते।

-अभिषेक गुप्ता

Read more about the article Fading Away

Fading Away

I can see you fading away,
like the dimming flame of
that candle, which has reached
its bottom and is now going to
submit itself to the darkness.

I can see you fading away,
like the memory of that
old rusted, broken car,
which I once saw on
the highway, abandoned.

I can see you fading away,
like my zest for playing guitar,
which is kept at the corner
of my room, which sometimes
peeps and tries to remind me
of its existence, which I tend
to ignore most of the time,
because, time is what, I have not.

I can see you fading away,
but I’m trying hard not to
let go of you, for you’re
the pillar of my existence.
Poetry, my zest for writing,
I can see you,
fading away,
from me.

-Abhishek Gupta.

Read more about the article Survivor

Survivor

I am standing at this side of the isle,
And I can see you, going away.
There’s nothing I can do, to stop you.
It’d would be something similar to
Me trying to not let the sand, in my fist, fall down.
See, here’s the thing, even if I try, I know,
It, the sand, is going to vanish in some time.

I don’t know, how to react.
I don’t know, how to enact.
I won’t be fine, well,
that I know, for the fact.
But how good I am
at burying my feelings,
deep inside my chest, alive.
Only I, know that.

But you know what,
I am exhausted now.
I’m tired of putting
that mask, on my face.
That mask of “I’m okay”.
Masquerading,
that I’m strong.
Whilst I’m not.

Consumed by the dark, I am.
Broken inside, yet alive, I am.
Maybe beyond fixing, aloof, I am.

But worry not, about me.
Alone, I might be,
But lonely,
I am not.

I know,
how strong,
I am.
However
my life is,
here’s
the thing,
Alive,
I am.

// survivor //

-Abhishek Gupta

Dil Ka Aalam

Dil ka aalam kuch aisa hai.
Gham ki sagar me dooba hai.
Cheekh bhi na aane deta labon par.
Zindagi bezubaan si ho gayi hai.

Dil ka aalam kuch aisa hai.
Ragon me lahoo ki jagah
Ab zeher hi baste hai.

Kise karun bayan apna Haal-e-Dil?
Ajkal toh apne hi hume
saanp bankar daste hai.

Dil ka aalam kuch aisa hai.
Ke kuch aapke jaisa, aur,
Kuch humare jaisa hai.
Dil ka aalam kuch aisa hai.

-Abhishek Gupta.

Barely Alive

Today I saw a man dying.
After he was gone,
I saw him and his eyes.
They were looking at me,
open wide.
My eyes, too, are open.
But I’m dead inside.

That’s the difference.
He’s actually dead, and,
I’m barely alive.

-Abhishek Gupta.

Tanha

एक खाली खुली किताब सी ही है मेरी ज़िन्दगी।
लोग आते है, और पन्नों पर अपना नाम लिख,
फिर कहीं दूर, मुझे तन्हा छोड़, चले जाते है।