Write-ups

Tabaahi

Galti teri nahi.
Galti meri thi.
Ke bharosa kiya tujhpe.

Pak tha dil ka.
Shayad isliye tere lafzon par
Yakeen kar
kafan baandh apne
tabahi ki oor chal baitha.

Aur us tabaahi ka naam
Ishq tha.

-Abhishek Gupta

New Day

A new day, a new beginning.
Close the chapter of negativity
from yesterday and reboot yourself.
Start afresh with positivity.

-Abhishek Gupta

Happiness

Stop trying to seek happiness.
Stop being so hard on yourself.
When you’re sad, be sad.
Don’t force yourself to be happy.
Your sadness will eventually subside.
And you will start smiling again.

Always remember this.
You don’t find happiness.
Happiness finds you.

-Abhishek Gupta

Farewell

I felt it, last night.
Your absence.
Again.

I felt it, even when I was asleep.
I was probably dreaming about us.
Anxiety kicked in, and I woke up.
As soon as my eyes opened,
I panicked and screamed,
“Where are you? Where did you go?”

And then I sobbed.
I sobbed for a whole hour,
From 3 am to 4 am,
when I realised,
You weren’t a part of my life anymore,
when I realised,
I was not your man, anymore.
For you chose to break all our promises,
We made that night at the church.
I remember it all.
I remember all your promises.
I remember every word you said.
I remember it all.

Since that night,
when you chose to leave me.
I haven’t had a peaceful sleep.
It’s like I’m in a state of dementia,
Where I wake up every night,
after dreaming of us, together,
only to find out that we’re not,
and what I saw, was just a dream.

I don’t know for how long I’ll be
able to hold myself together.
I’m exhausted now.

I’m stuck in this world,
which exists in my head.
I don’t know
what’s real anymore.
But I have to survive.
For now I have to
handle it all myself.
For I know you won’t
be around anymore.

This was probably
the hardest thing my
heart had to go through.
Probably because I believed
each and every promise you made.
Probably because you were
my hardest goodbye.

I hope he treats you better, than I did.
I hope he loves you more, than I did.
I hope you never have to go through
a heartbreak, like I did.

I hope, someday,
you will realize,
what you did.

-Farewell, love.

-Abhishek Gupta

This Time

This time,
I won’t let anyone
take away this smile
and my happiness, from me.

This time,
I’m going to rise
back up, stronger.

This time,
I won’t let anyone
break my heart.

This time,
I will protect it,
and I’ll protect myself,
because this time,
I won’t let anyone
take away this smile
and my happiness, from me.

-Abhishek Gupta

The Red Door

Can you save me?
From these fucked up
subliminal suicidal thoughts
which lurk inside my head.

Can you save me?
From the sleep paralysis
I suffer while I lay down still,
waiting for me to die in my bed.

Can you save me?
From my past,
which keeps coming back to me.
It comes back every night,
holds my hand, and
drags me towards that door.
That fucking door,
which looks blood soaked red.
ON my past and my losses,
my anxiety has fed.
I don’t remember how many times,
“I don’t wanna go in there,
please leave me alone”
I said.

But it never stops. It keeps dragging me
towards that door, that fucking door
which looks blood soaked red.

I don’t know what
lies ahead for me in life.
I don’t know if
I’m going to live my dreams,
Or I’m going to die,
giving up seeing all this strife.
I don’t know if I’ll ever fall in love again.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get to feel
how it feels to be loved again.
I don’t know if someone is
already trying to love me,
For I’m too busy isolating myself
and pushing people away.

I’m drowning in this
abyss of loneliness,
I want to be saved,
I want to save myself.
I don’t wanna die alone,
please pull me out of this hell.
Or I might, soon end up dead.

Can you save me?
From these fucked up
subliminal suicidal thoughts
which lurk inside my head.

-Abhishek Gupta

Validation

I might get a lot of hate for this, but it’s okay. I’m cool with it. I have a message for all the guys and girls as well. Don’t get too much influenced by these perfect looking Instagrammers, fashion/make-up bloggers & influencers. Watch them, enjoy and learn the tricks and all, but don’t think for one second, “Oh this is what perfection looks like” “I want to be perfect like this”. They are not perfect, that is why they need materials to make them look perfect. Behind all that make up/cool apparels is a guy/girl just as normal as you and I. And being normal doesn’t mean you’re not perfect. You’re perfect the way you are, never ever think that you’re less than anyone. You’re a perfect 10. Alright? Guys, don’t expect your girl to look like these influencers all the time, because that’s not what reality looks like, accept this, and girls, you don’t need to do this for any guy’s validation. Do it for yourself, not for others. But also don’t forget this thing, that all of these things just enhances your body features, but you’re already perfect Be yourself. Be confident.

-Abhishek Gupta.

I Feel Nothing

I’ve lost so many people in my life, whom I loved from the core of my heart, that now I’ve become numb.

I’m not saying I’m saint and that I never made mistakes. I made mistakes, I overreacted in situations which could’ve been handled maturely, but I paid a heavy toll for my sensitive nature. I lost friends, who were precious to me more than myself.

But I tried to mend things, even though I was partly at fault. I decided to give them my love again, I tried to mend everything, but they refused it. Their ego didn’t let them accept their mistakes, so I ended up being hurt, all over again.

So yes, now, I don’t feel anything when I cut off people from my life, or if people cut me off from their life, because I’ve had enough of it, people playing with my feelings. My heart, now, is an abyss of nothingness. So those friends who ask me all the time, why did I change? Y’all are the reason I became what I am today.

-Abhishek Gupta

Thanks Dad

I leave my work pressure, stress, anger and frustration behind once I leave my office after a whole day of work. I tend to not bring the negativity of the outside world in my home, which is the only place where I find love, peace of mind and happiness. My father taught me this lesson in life that home is supposed to be a safe space for you, so never bring the negativity here and spread it to your family, friends and loved ones.

Thank you for teaching me this dad.

-Abhishek Gupta

Alfaaz

मैं रहूँ या ना रहूँ, मेरे ये अल्फ़ाज़ हमेशा रहेंगे।
और जबतक ये रहेंगे, ये अल्फ़ाज़ तुमसे कहेंगे,
के मुस्कुरा कर ही जिया है इस ज़िंदगी को हुमेशा हमने,
और मुस्कुरा कर ही इस दास्ताँ-ए-ग़म को भी हम सहेंगे।

-Abhishek Gupta