If something or someone is
getting on my nerves to an
extent that I cannot bear it.
I simply drift away from
that thing or that person.
Not everything/everyone needs
a reaction from you. They might
as well be doing whatever they’re
doing just to get on your nerves,
so that you can lose your calm.
Be a better and sensible person.
Don’t lose you calm and peace
of mind in such situations.
-Abhishek Gupta
Tw: Depression.
“Conversations I have with myself.”
“I feel exhausted. I didn’t picture myself like this when I was young. I had plans. I had dreams. It has all faded away now. My heart. I feel so empty inside. No matter what I do, this emptiness doesn’t go away. The dark thoughts never leaves my head alone. It’s like a spirit that has latched itself upon me and have decided it’ll never leave me alone. How ironic, right? My dark thoughts never leaves me alone, but the only reason I feel so empty inside is because I have always been alone. It’s exhausting. I don’t know how long I can hold myself together. I don’t want to give up, but I might. I’m exhausted.”
– I know how you’re feeling. Trust me, I do. I’m you. I know how much it hurts. I get it. But you’re strong. You’ve made hopeless people believe in themselves. You’ve brought smiles on the faces of the most depressing souls you’ve met. There are people out there, not many, but there are people out there who look up to you. Because you give them hope. Because you have a kind soul who tries to make everyone around you, happy. I just want you not to give up so soon, or ever. Giving up is not an option. You’re no coward mister. You’re a fighter. No one knows what all you’ve been through, whether it was your childhood, or adulthood. Other people, they don’t know you, but I know you, and you, my boy, you’re a fighter. You’ve seen the worse, and you rose above it all. So what’s with this giving up attitude suddenly? You did not come this far to tell me that you want to give up at this point of your life.
“I shut myself off from everyone. I push them away. I don’t want to, but I can’t trust them, because I don’t want to get hurt again. Braveheart sound and look good only in movies, but in reality, it hurts like hell. We all aren’t bravehearts. I am no braveheart. I know, some people try to love me. They want to help me. But I’m too afraid to let my guard down. Because whenever I have let my guard down, my heart has been crushed, my trust has been broken and I don’t want it all to be repeated again. But I don’t want to be left alone too. I don’t know what to do. Why are people so complicated? Why can’t they simply love someone and just not hurt them, not abuse them emotionally and just be a good samaritan?”
– Shutting yourself off from everyone? Well, it’s no big deal. Sometimes staying alone can be helpful, I know that, because it has helped me a lot, numerous times. But here’s the thing. Just know when to reach out to people, to your hoomans, when it gets too dark there, when it starts hurting you. You work things out, and you snap out of it. You come out of that dark place ‘cause no one else can do that for you. Life never is fair. You and I we both know that. But we can’t hold on to the past forever. People have hurt you. Every frigging person you ever trusted and loved unconditionally, have brought you pain. I know that. But that is life. People do that. Humans are flawed. You are flawed too. People have hurt you. But so have you. You’ve hurt people too. You’ve hurt people who tried to help you snap out of your dark place. This is going to be a hard to swallow pill, but I have to give it to you ‘cause no one else will. You like it this way. You’ve been so hurt your entire life, that you’ve started to like it. You can be happy, but yet you choose to be sad. You choose sadness over happiness. And you know what? There’s nothing wrong in it. Voila! You’ve figured out life! It’s depressing and eventually we all will die. So it’s okay to be sad. But find some moments of happiness too. It’ll be temporary, but it’s okay to be happy sometimes. You know this. So try to find happiness in the people around you. Be safe, sound and happy. You can always reach out to me whenever you need a friend to pull you out of your dark place in your head, or you can reach out to the few people who still care about you, and you know it damn well who all they are. So whenever it gets too dark, run towards the light. Don’t let the darkness consume you. There are a lot of depressed souls out there whom you need to cheer up. So buckle up, my boy, ‘cause you got a long life ahead of you. It’ll all be fine soon.
-Abhishek Gupta
The pen you gave me,
Before I went for my
first ever interview.
I threw it away, today.
The letter you wrote me,
where you confessed,
how you fell for me,
and what I meant to you.
I burnt it, today.
The keychain you gave me,
which had our initials
carved on it, as a reminder
of our profound love
for each other.
I thew it in the lake, today,
where we first kissed.
Our photos, every
frigging one of’em,
I tore them, today,
shredded them
into million pieces,
until I felt it couldn’t be
destroyed any further.
Your name, which I inked
on my wrist, I tried to wash
it off, but I couldn’t. I didn’t
have enough money left,
to remove it, so I burned it.
Because I was ready to bear
the pain of that burn rather
than this pain, this agony,
which my heart and I was
going through. I couldn’t
stand the fact that your
name was carved deep
in my skin, and I couldn’t
take it off. It disgusted me.
Lies, is what you fed me.
Broken hearted,
is what you made me.
You left me, alone,
so miserable, that
everyone now dreads me.
You said you loved me,
but I wasn’t the only one,
whom you said this to.
And when I saw it,
with my own eyes,it felt
like a dagger just pierced
right through my heart,
and dried, it bled me.
I threw away everything
which reminded me of you.
I destroyed everything
which reminded me of
how madly in love I was
with a person, who never
deserved any of my love.
But all of this for what?
I threw away everything.
I tried to erase you,
from my life.
But yet here we are,
in my memories,
a place which you will
never leave.
“Nightmare”
-Abhishek Gupta.
I felt it, last night.
Your absence.
Again.
I felt it, even when I was asleep.
I was probably dreaming about us.
Anxiety kicked in, and I woke up.
As soon as my eyes opened,
I panicked and screamed,
“Where are you? Where did you go?”
And then I sobbed.
I sobbed for a whole hour,
From 3 am to 4 am,
when I realised,
You weren’t a part of my life anymore,
when I realised,
I was not your man, anymore.
For you chose to break all our promises,
We made that night at the church.
I remember it all.
I remember all your promises.
I remember every word you said.
I remember it all.
Since that night,
when you chose to leave me.
I haven’t had a peaceful sleep.
It’s like I’m in a state of dementia,
Where I wake up every night,
after dreaming of us, together,
only to find out that we’re not,
and what I saw, was just a dream.
I don’t know for how long I’ll be
able to hold myself together.
I’m exhausted now.
I’m stuck in this world,
which exists in my head.
I don’t know
what’s real anymore.
But I have to survive.
For now I have to
handle it all myself.
For I know you won’t
be around anymore.
This was probably
the hardest thing my
heart had to go through.
Probably because I believed
each and every promise you made.
Probably because you were
my hardest goodbye.
I hope he treats you better, than I did.
I hope he loves you more, than I did.
I hope you never have to go through
a heartbreak, like I did.
I hope, someday,
you will realize,
what you did.
-Farewell, love.
-Abhishek Gupta
It fills my heart with joy,
When I see my friends,
Succeeding in life.
It fills my heart with pride,
When I see my friends,
Winning in life.
But, it would be a lie,
That I feel joyous, all the time,
For, the truth is, I don’t.
I don’t lie, for I can’t,
I’m not happy, not because,
I see people living their dreams,
But, because, I see, myself,
Still standing, at the same place,
where I stood, a year ago,
and have moved a step, ahead.
And It’s filling my heart with glum,
But all I do is,
try to wipe the sadness away,
By drowning my night,
in a bottle of rum.
-Tired.
-Abhishek Gupta.
Breathe. Use that anger. Cultivate it inside you and channel that anger to achieve your goals and accomplish your missions, your dreams. Use that anger, and you’ll rise a winner. Don’t let that negativity consume you. Overcome it. Overpower it. Triumph.
– Abhishek Gupta.
Take a deep breath. Gulp that anger. It just brings negativity.
It’s not going to take you anywhere good.
-Abhishek Gupta
All these years, all this time,
This rage inside of you, this anger,
It has all accumulated, inside,
waiting to burst out, to bring destruction,
to bring the wrath, upon everyone.
This anger, you can use it either,
to bring destruction or use it,
to achieve everything in your life,
which you always desired,
which you always wanted.
All you need to do is, use it wisely.
Forge your anger and displace it,
to a place where it’ll help you,
help you to excel, succeed, win.
Anger, if used, in a proper way,
displaced to a proper place,
can help you find and explore,
a person, who was concealed inside,
a person, thriving for success,
who was, all this time, hidden inside you.
He can help you, to get what you want,
to become what you thrive to be.
To win this quest, to search this person,
you need to embrace this anger, and,
use it to solve this quest, to find where is he.
– Anger, if used properly, is the key.
– Abhishek Gupta.