If something or someone is
getting on my nerves to an
extent that I cannot bear it.
I simply drift away from
that thing or that person.
Not everything/everyone needs
a reaction from you. They might
as well be doing whatever they’re
doing just to get on your nerves,
so that you can lose your calm.
Be a better and sensible person.
Don’t lose you calm and peace
of mind in such situations.
-Abhishek Gupta
So many people, whom I
used to talk to all the time.
So many people, with whom I
used to spend so much of time.
We treat each others like
complete strangers now.
The sad is part is, nothing
went wrong between us.
We simply grew apart.
We grew so apart, that now,
it feels like we never
even knew each other.
It’s like we never even met.
-Abhishek Gupta
How have you been?
Let’s catch up,
have some wine,
and conversate,
about how we always
trying to impersonate,
and trying to be
someone we’re not.
We are slowly
becoming
who we hate.
Life’s been hell lately,
but we tell everyone
it’s going great.
My mind, right now, is in
a pretty messed up state.
But I’m holding on, somehow,
telling myself to wait.
Wait for something good to happen,
something which’ll really be great.
Which’ll pull me out of
this miserable state.
But Hey,
how have YOU been?
Let’s catch up,
have some wine,
and conversate.
-Abhishek Gupta
Tw: Depression.
“Conversations I have with myself.”
“I feel exhausted. I didn’t picture myself like this when I was young. I had plans. I had dreams. It has all faded away now. My heart. I feel so empty inside. No matter what I do, this emptiness doesn’t go away. The dark thoughts never leaves my head alone. It’s like a spirit that has latched itself upon me and have decided it’ll never leave me alone. How ironic, right? My dark thoughts never leaves me alone, but the only reason I feel so empty inside is because I have always been alone. It’s exhausting. I don’t know how long I can hold myself together. I don’t want to give up, but I might. I’m exhausted.”
– I know how you’re feeling. Trust me, I do. I’m you. I know how much it hurts. I get it. But you’re strong. You’ve made hopeless people believe in themselves. You’ve brought smiles on the faces of the most depressing souls you’ve met. There are people out there, not many, but there are people out there who look up to you. Because you give them hope. Because you have a kind soul who tries to make everyone around you, happy. I just want you not to give up so soon, or ever. Giving up is not an option. You’re no coward mister. You’re a fighter. No one knows what all you’ve been through, whether it was your childhood, or adulthood. Other people, they don’t know you, but I know you, and you, my boy, you’re a fighter. You’ve seen the worse, and you rose above it all. So what’s with this giving up attitude suddenly? You did not come this far to tell me that you want to give up at this point of your life.
“I shut myself off from everyone. I push them away. I don’t want to, but I can’t trust them, because I don’t want to get hurt again. Braveheart sound and look good only in movies, but in reality, it hurts like hell. We all aren’t bravehearts. I am no braveheart. I know, some people try to love me. They want to help me. But I’m too afraid to let my guard down. Because whenever I have let my guard down, my heart has been crushed, my trust has been broken and I don’t want it all to be repeated again. But I don’t want to be left alone too. I don’t know what to do. Why are people so complicated? Why can’t they simply love someone and just not hurt them, not abuse them emotionally and just be a good samaritan?”
– Shutting yourself off from everyone? Well, it’s no big deal. Sometimes staying alone can be helpful, I know that, because it has helped me a lot, numerous times. But here’s the thing. Just know when to reach out to people, to your hoomans, when it gets too dark there, when it starts hurting you. You work things out, and you snap out of it. You come out of that dark place ‘cause no one else can do that for you. Life never is fair. You and I we both know that. But we can’t hold on to the past forever. People have hurt you. Every frigging person you ever trusted and loved unconditionally, have brought you pain. I know that. But that is life. People do that. Humans are flawed. You are flawed too. People have hurt you. But so have you. You’ve hurt people too. You’ve hurt people who tried to help you snap out of your dark place. This is going to be a hard to swallow pill, but I have to give it to you ‘cause no one else will. You like it this way. You’ve been so hurt your entire life, that you’ve started to like it. You can be happy, but yet you choose to be sad. You choose sadness over happiness. And you know what? There’s nothing wrong in it. Voila! You’ve figured out life! It’s depressing and eventually we all will die. So it’s okay to be sad. But find some moments of happiness too. It’ll be temporary, but it’s okay to be happy sometimes. You know this. So try to find happiness in the people around you. Be safe, sound and happy. You can always reach out to me whenever you need a friend to pull you out of your dark place in your head, or you can reach out to the few people who still care about you, and you know it damn well who all they are. So whenever it gets too dark, run towards the light. Don’t let the darkness consume you. There are a lot of depressed souls out there whom you need to cheer up. So buckle up, my boy, ‘cause you got a long life ahead of you. It’ll all be fine soon.
-Abhishek Gupta
I felt it today.
After a long time.
Happiness.
I realised today,
that I had been
missing so many
things in life,
because I spent most
of my life,
being depressed,
clinging onto my past.
Today,
I decided to go out.
Small things,
like simply hanging
out with people who
love poetry the
same way you do,
can bring that
lost smile back
on your face.
I saw myself
happy, today.
I saw myself
smiling, today.
I even made new friends.
I am so proud of myself,
that I actually went out
and socialised so much.
I sang, played guitar,
and even rhymed the word scar,
with a car and my guitar.
My poetry was a disaster tho,
but I don’t remember the
last time I was this
carefree and euphoric.
I felt it today.
After a long time.
Happiness.
But then came,
the wave of sadness.
When I realised,
this happiness which
I found in these people,
will be vanished, again,
once I will leave,
and go back to
being myself.
I’ll again be lying
alone in my bed,
with the dark thoughts
feeding on my happiness,
eventually, consuming it all.
My heart is so
heavy right now,
because I know,
this happiness,
which I felt today,
is temporary.
I guess that’s why
I’m even writing this,
today, after such a
long time, because
writing is the only way
by which I can vent.
My heart is so
heavy right now.
I wish,
I could
be this
happy,
more
often.
I wish.
I wish.
I wish.
-Abhishek Gupta
We don’t always get what we want, what we deserve. Not everyone is lucky. I’ve struggled a lot in my life, and I’m still struggling. I had dreams. Big ass dreams. Couldn’t fulfill all of it. Because that’s life. Sometimes we don’t get what we want, so we need to learn to find happiness in what we have. If we are destined to do something big in life, we will do it, when the time is right. There’s a phrase in Hindi, which we need to learn by heart and respect it, “waqt se pehle, aur naseeb se zada kisi ko kuch nahi milta”. I’m not trying to demotivate any of you here. I am just telling you to face the truth. And keep working hard, so that someday you will reach that point in your life where you can actually try to fulfill all your dreams and live your life the way you always wanted to live. Accept the reality, but never lose hope. Hope is what keeps the fire within us, alive.
-Abhishek Gupta
You might still love and miss some toxic people who were once in your life, I know this because I do, but you need to not let the vulnerability take control of you. They were cut off from your life, because they were toxic, so let them stay that way, and you bloom like a flower.
-Abhishek Gupta.
It fills my heart with joy,
When I see my friends,
Succeeding in life.
It fills my heart with pride,
When I see my friends,
Winning in life.
But, it would be a lie,
That I feel joyous, all the time,
For, the truth is, I don’t.
I don’t lie, for I can’t,
I’m not happy, not because,
I see people living their dreams,
But, because, I see, myself,
Still standing, at the same place,
where I stood, a year ago,
and have moved a step, ahead.
And It’s filling my heart with glum,
But all I do is,
try to wipe the sadness away,
By drowning my night,
in a bottle of rum.
-Tired.
-Abhishek Gupta.
Humans are somewhat like a chameleon.
The only difference between
a chameleon and human is that
It changes color to save itself,
Whilst humans change colors,
to harm others.
In disguise, they’ll come.
Friend or Foe.
You’ll never know.
– Keep your eyes open.
– Abhishek Gupta.
Rain, my old friend,
you have always been a close confidante,
since the beginning.
Whenever I needed to veil my teary eyes,
you were there, to back me up.
Falling from the sky, leaving the clouds,
coming down, just to meet me,
to console me, tell me, that,
I can weep in front you, for you’re a friend.
I remember, one day when I couldn’t hold it back,
I gave up on everything and I wailed,
You, too, cried with me, and that day, it hailed.
The weather became dismal,
You told the world how lonesome I felt,
but no one listened, no one cared.
Rain, my old friend, I’m calling out for you, again.
Where have you gone? I need you here with me.
Melancholia has again clouded my life,
I’m, again, drowning in the river of sorrow and pain.
Rain, my old friend, I’m calling out for you, again.
-Abhishek Gupta