happiness

How Have You Been?

How have you been?
Let’s catch up,
have some wine,
and conversate,
about how we always
trying to impersonate,
and trying to be
someone we’re not.
We are slowly
becoming
who we hate.
Life’s been hell lately,
but we tell everyone
it’s going great.
My mind, right now, is in
a pretty messed up state.
But I’m holding on, somehow,
telling myself to wait.
Wait for something good to happen,
something which’ll really be great.
Which’ll pull me out of
this miserable state.

But Hey,
how have YOU been?
Let’s catch up,
have some wine,
and conversate.

-Abhishek Gupta

Warrior

I loved someone once, with all my heart and soul. I’d have laid down my life for that person happily. That person meant the world to me. I met that someone during my darkest time, and that person pulled me out of the darkness, promising to be the light of my life. But in the end it didn’t matter, for that person pulled me out of the darkness just to drown me in the ocean of darkness later on. Oh, and I don’t know how to swim. That person knew this. I was left devastated and broken.

I trusted a friend once. Whom I considered a close confidante. Shared my life, my secrets and emotions. I do not open up to someone emotionally so easy, but I trusted this person. My friend was there, when I was drowning in the ocean of darkness. My friend, whom I treated like a brother, was that pillar of strength for me, because of whom I swam my way back to the ocean surface and eventually reached the shore. My friend, he was all that I was left with, when everyone abandoned me because of my deteriorating mental health. But one day, it turned out, he broke my trust too. He had his reasons to stick by my side. Once again, someone helped me to subside my demons just to throw me back to them at double the velocity I got away from them. Once again, I was left devastated and broken.

Devastated and broken? Yes. But am I still here, pretty much alive and still kickin’ ass? Hell yeah. Life knocked me down, and I got back up, and I always will. Because that’s what we’re supposed to do. Some people will see it this way, how devastated and broken I was, I still am somewhat. But I chose to see the good and bad, both. They broke me, but before they broke me, they helped me heal, too. So, no. I don’t have any hatred for them in my heart. I have no ill thoughts for them, because I learned an important lesson about life, because of them.

I learned that, no matter how hard life knocks us down, it’s “us” who decides whether we can get back up or not. Even if the world says, you won’t be able to get back up after that hit you took. YOU CAN GET BACK UP. All you need to do is BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. You’re a warrior and a warrior

NEVER

EVER

BACKS

DOWN.

-Abhishek Gupta

Thank you Maa

No matter how low,
unconfident you feel.

All you need is just
one glance of your
Mother’s smiling face,
and you’ll regain all your
strength back, to face
every obstacle thrown
at you by life and win.

// Thank you Maa //

-Abhishek Gupta

Conversations I Have With Myself

Tw: Depression.

“Conversations I have with myself.”

“I feel exhausted. I didn’t picture myself like this when I was young. I had plans. I had dreams. It has all faded away now. My heart. I feel so empty inside. No matter what I do, this emptiness doesn’t go away. The dark thoughts never leaves my head alone. It’s like a spirit that has latched itself upon me and have decided it’ll never leave me alone. How ironic, right? My dark thoughts never leaves me alone, but the only reason I feel so empty inside is because I have always been alone. It’s exhausting. I don’t know how long I can hold myself together. I don’t want to give up, but I might. I’m exhausted.”

– I know how you’re feeling. Trust me, I do. I’m you. I know how much it hurts. I get it. But you’re strong. You’ve made hopeless people believe in themselves. You’ve brought smiles on the faces of the most depressing souls you’ve met. There are people out there, not many, but there are people out there who look up to you. Because you give them hope. Because you have a kind soul who tries to make everyone around you, happy. I just want you not to give up so soon, or ever. Giving up is not an option. You’re no coward mister. You’re a fighter. No one knows what all you’ve been through, whether it was your childhood, or adulthood. Other people, they don’t know you, but I know you, and you, my boy, you’re a fighter. You’ve seen the worse, and you rose above it all. So what’s with this giving up attitude suddenly? You did not come this far to tell me that you want to give up at this point of your life.

“I shut myself off from everyone. I push them away. I don’t want to, but I can’t trust them, because I don’t want to get hurt again. Braveheart sound and look good only in movies, but in reality, it hurts like hell. We all aren’t bravehearts. I am no braveheart. I know, some people try to love me. They want to help me. But I’m too afraid to let my guard down. Because whenever I have let my guard down, my heart has been crushed, my trust has been broken and I don’t want it all to be repeated again. But I don’t want to be left alone too. I don’t know what to do. Why are people so complicated? Why can’t they simply love someone and just not hurt them, not abuse them emotionally and just be a good samaritan?”

– Shutting yourself off from everyone? Well, it’s no big deal. Sometimes staying alone can be helpful, I know that, because it has helped me a lot, numerous times. But here’s the thing. Just know when to reach out to people, to your hoomans, when it gets too dark there, when it starts hurting you. You work things out, and you snap out of it. You come out of that dark place ‘cause no one else can do that for you. Life never is fair. You and I we both know that. But we can’t hold on to the past forever. People have hurt you. Every frigging person you ever trusted and loved unconditionally, have brought you pain. I know that. But that is life. People do that. Humans are flawed. You are flawed too. People have hurt you. But so have you. You’ve hurt people too. You’ve hurt people who tried to help you snap out of your dark place. This is going to be a hard to swallow pill, but I have to give it to you ‘cause no one else will. You like it this way. You’ve been so hurt your entire life, that you’ve started to like it. You can be happy, but yet you choose to be sad. You choose sadness over happiness. And you know what? There’s nothing wrong in it. Voila! You’ve figured out life! It’s depressing and eventually we all will die. So it’s okay to be sad. But find some moments of happiness too. It’ll be temporary, but it’s okay to be happy sometimes. You know this. So try to find happiness in the people around you. Be safe, sound and happy. You can always reach out to me whenever you need a friend to pull you out of your dark place in your head, or you can reach out to the few people who still care about you, and you know it damn well who all they are. So whenever it gets too dark, run towards the light. Don’t let the darkness consume you. There are a lot of depressed souls out there whom you need to cheer up. So buckle up, my boy, ‘cause you got a long life ahead of you. It’ll all be fine soon.

-Abhishek Gupta

Mayassar

Ishq kiya tha,
shiddat se tujhse, maine.
Ab sochta hoon, kyun?

Muddaton sath nibhaane
ka waada kiya tha tune.
Ab sochta hoon, kyun?

Tanha chhoda beech
raah mujhe yoon akele.
Ab sochta hoon, kyun?

Mushkil ho gaya ab ye
zindagi jeena mera, tum bin.
Ab sochta hoon, kyun?

Thak gaya hoon zindagi ke
is safar ko akela tay karte-karte.
Ab sochta hoon, Kyun?

Ishq kiya tha,
shiddat se tujhse, maine.
Ab sochta hoon, kyun?

Khatm karun is zindagi,
is dard-e-tanhayi ko.
Khud ko mayassar
kar raha hoon.
Par phir sochta hoon, kyun?

-Abhishek Gupta

Tu hai kahan

तू है जहाँ, मैं था वहाँ।
अब मैं बढ़ा, और हूँ यहाँ।
तू है कहाँ? तू है कहाँ?
तू था जहाँ, तू है वहाँ।
तू है जहाँ, मैं था वहाँ।
अब मैं बढ़ा, और हूँ यहाँ।

-अभिषेक गुप्ता

Life/Tree

Autumn arrived,
and the leaves,
left the branches
of the tree all alone.
But the tree stood
right where it was,
still and strong.

For it knew,
they’ll come back.
For it knew,
that’s how the nature works.

So you, too,
stay strong and
don’t give up.
For you’re just
like a tree, and
the moments of
happiness you feel
are the leaves.

Happiness might’ve left
you alone, for now.
But it’ll come back.
It always comes back.
For that’s the nature
of happiness.
It comes and goes,
just like the wind,
it never stays still.

So be the tree here,
and stand still and strong.
For your roots are
not so weak that you will
give up so soon on life.

-Abhishek Gupta

Purpose

Do I feel lonely at times? Yes. There are so many people I’ve lost while trying to find a purpose of my life, a reason to live, a reason which will give me the motivation, the strength to get up the next morning and start working on myself and my purpose of life, again. I met so many people in my life. I loved some of them, I hated some of them, but I never thought ill for anyone, even if they did for me. Every time anyone needed me, I was there, as a friend, brother, lover or fam. I was there. But most of the time, I was left alone, once I was not needed anymore. The people I loved the most, they abandoned me. I know, that they know, that they were wrong somewhere, and so was I, but I was there for them even at their lowest, but they were never there for me. For a long time, I felt like a left out, like a unlovable person, like a guy who has no purpose in life. It’s really depressing. I just accidentally stumble upon peoples’ lives, give them love and support when they need it, help them and always stand by there side, and when the time is right, when I know they don’t need me anymore, I leave, or should I say, they leave me. All this time, I thought I am a lost cause, without a purpose, but I, now, realise that I’m already serving my purpose. What I never got, I give it to people. Unconditional love and support. It’s okay if I don’t get it back. I do it with no strings attached. I may be a loner, but I’m proud of myself, that I’ve brought smiles on the faces of a lot of people. I know, that they all know, they did me wrong. I did some wrong to them as well, but I always had a heart to make it all up to them again, unlike them. Well, I’m going to keep doing what I do. God bless y’all. Be well! xx

-Abhishek Gupta.

Money/Happiness

We say all the time,
Money doesn’t matter.
Money can’t buy happiness.

But deep within, we all know
that we say this
to make ourselves
feel better about
ourselves and our life.

Truth is,
Money is all
that matters,
in 21st century.

-Abhishek Gupta

New Day

A new day, a new beginning.
Close the chapter of negativity
from yesterday and reboot yourself.
Start afresh with positivity.

-Abhishek Gupta