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Survivor

I am standing at this side of the isle,
And I can see you, going away.
There’s nothing I can do, to stop you.
It’d would be something similar to
Me trying to not let the sand, in my fist, fall down.
See, here’s the thing, even if I try, I know,
It, the sand, is going to vanish in some time.

I don’t know, how to react.
I don’t know, how to enact.
I won’t be fine, well,
that I know, for the fact.
But how good I am
at burying my feelings,
deep inside my chest, alive.
Only I, know that.

But you know what,
I am exhausted now.
I’m tired of putting
that mask, on my face.
That mask of “I’m okay”.
Masquerading,
that I’m strong.
Whilst I’m not.

Consumed by the dark, I am.
Broken inside, yet alive, I am.
Maybe beyond fixing, aloof, I am.

But worry not, about me.
Alone, I might be,
But lonely,
I am not.

I know,
how strong,
I am.
However
my life is,
here’s
the thing,
Alive,
I am.

// survivor //

-Abhishek Gupta

Healer.

I help others, to heal.
I help, for I know how it feels.
i try to spread positivity.
for it’s the only way,
it’s the key.
I help others to heal,
but who would heal me?
– a broken person.
– Abhishek Gupta.

Acceptance.

I’m burning in agony.
This is the result of your felony.
Strangers we’ve become,
A constant struggle,
My life has become.
Lonesome nights,
Drowning in rum.
A crucial situation, filled with,
Agitation,
Aggression,
Hesitation,
I have become a living example of negation.
Whether to love. Whether to hate.
So confused, I cannot even interpret.
I guess I have to accept now,
Accept my gruesome fate.
– Abhishek Gupta.

Answer me.

Afar, we were, for a long time.

Afar, we were, for you walked away.

Love, is what I thought, we had for each other.

Here, you were, with me, in my days,

in my days, when they were bright.

But, you hurled me away, left me, when

I was facing the darkest time of my life?

Never, you came back, 

Never, you explained,

why you wreaked havoc on me?

My love, this heart, belonged to you,

and you crushed it into pieces,

leaving this wreckage behind,

this wreckage of misery.

Today, here, I see you, 

Today, here, I see you,

with someone, you say, you love.

Isn’t that, exactly, what you once,

used to tell me, too?

Answers, I want from you.

‘Cause, I deserve to know, why,

why did I suffer so much,

why did you put me through

those torments that tore me apart?

Answers, I want from you.

‘Cause, you walked away, so quietly,

without saying a word, vanished, from my life,

as if we, us, together, never existed, leaving,

not even a single, not even a single, trace.

Answers, I want from you.

‘Cause, now that we’re here,

right here, standing, face to face.

– Agony.

– Abhishek Gupta.

Love is a gamble.

I love you. I really do.

But I’ll not ruin my life.

Not again, not this time.

Love never has brought

anything good to me.

It has always been a source

of sorrow and despair, for me.

My heart has been broken by those,

who said they loved me.

My trust has been broken by those,

Who said they’d never break it.

Tired, I am, of these betrayals.

Tired, I am, of my heart being broken.

Tired, I am, of my unfortunate destiny.

I know, giving chances to people is good.

I wish, I could’ve given you, another one.

But, my love, I cannot, for now, I am done

I love you. I really do.

But I’ll not ruin my life.

Not again, not this time.

– Love is a gamble.

– Abhishek Gupta.

I care.

I care.

I still care.

My bipolarity overpowers me.

Yesterday, there was no love, no care,

but, today I feel it, again, that I care.

I care about you, even though,

It doesn’t matter to you, 

if I’m alive or am I dead.

I care, because, there’s still,

some love left inside of me.

It terrifies me how much I care.

I would still do anything for you.

I care.

I still care.

– Love is evil.

– Abhishek Gupta.

Void.

Never before, was I, like this.

care and love, that’s all 

my heart was filled with.

I showered, all my love, on you.

Happiness, is all that I wanted.

For you. For me.

Now, since you left,

choosing a path, 

which led you away from me,

Void, my heart has become.

Void, my life bas become, too.

Feelings, left inside are none.

Null, is the love, left inside me.

Care, I have forgotten, what it means.

I am not, anymore, me.

I am not, anymore, what I used to be.

Changed, I am, I had to, for,

you made me this person, I am, today.

You woke this demon, 

who doesn’t care about 

anyone, anymore.

Not even about,

himself.

– Apathetic.

– Abhishek Gupta.