I know who’s my
genuine friend
and who’s not.
I know who stood
by my side when
I had hit rock bottom,
and I know who did not.
It’s so strange, those
who who always used
to claim to have my back
were never to be found
when I needed them.
So I know, who’s
my genuine friend,
and who’s not.
-Abhishek Gupta
So many people, whom I
used to talk to all the time.
So many people, with whom I
used to spend so much of time.
We treat each others like
complete strangers now.
The sad is part is, nothing
went wrong between us.
We simply grew apart.
We grew so apart, that now,
it feels like we never
even knew each other.
It’s like we never even met.
-Abhishek Gupta
People forget you.
That is how people are.
Then they’ll remember you.
Out of the blue,
they’ll reach out to you.
They’ll talk to you,
and tell you how much
they’ve missed you.
And once they start feeling
better, after talking to you.
They’ll forget about you,
again, in a blink of an eye.
This is an endless cycle.
It goes on and on and on.
We just get used to it.
So we never complain.
Because, ah there’s no
“because” to this thing.
We simply get used to
of being treated like this.
Because, that is
how people are.
-Abhishek Gupta.
Ye duniya ek rangmanch hai,
Chaayi har oor tanhayi hai.
Khafa nahi hoon tujhse main.
Ye bas meri khud ki,
Khud se ladaayi hai.
-Abhishek Gupta.
Tw: Depression.
“Conversations I have with myself.”
“I feel exhausted. I didn’t picture myself like this when I was young. I had plans. I had dreams. It has all faded away now. My heart. I feel so empty inside. No matter what I do, this emptiness doesn’t go away. The dark thoughts never leaves my head alone. It’s like a spirit that has latched itself upon me and have decided it’ll never leave me alone. How ironic, right? My dark thoughts never leaves me alone, but the only reason I feel so empty inside is because I have always been alone. It’s exhausting. I don’t know how long I can hold myself together. I don’t want to give up, but I might. I’m exhausted.”
– I know how you’re feeling. Trust me, I do. I’m you. I know how much it hurts. I get it. But you’re strong. You’ve made hopeless people believe in themselves. You’ve brought smiles on the faces of the most depressing souls you’ve met. There are people out there, not many, but there are people out there who look up to you. Because you give them hope. Because you have a kind soul who tries to make everyone around you, happy. I just want you not to give up so soon, or ever. Giving up is not an option. You’re no coward mister. You’re a fighter. No one knows what all you’ve been through, whether it was your childhood, or adulthood. Other people, they don’t know you, but I know you, and you, my boy, you’re a fighter. You’ve seen the worse, and you rose above it all. So what’s with this giving up attitude suddenly? You did not come this far to tell me that you want to give up at this point of your life.
“I shut myself off from everyone. I push them away. I don’t want to, but I can’t trust them, because I don’t want to get hurt again. Braveheart sound and look good only in movies, but in reality, it hurts like hell. We all aren’t bravehearts. I am no braveheart. I know, some people try to love me. They want to help me. But I’m too afraid to let my guard down. Because whenever I have let my guard down, my heart has been crushed, my trust has been broken and I don’t want it all to be repeated again. But I don’t want to be left alone too. I don’t know what to do. Why are people so complicated? Why can’t they simply love someone and just not hurt them, not abuse them emotionally and just be a good samaritan?”
– Shutting yourself off from everyone? Well, it’s no big deal. Sometimes staying alone can be helpful, I know that, because it has helped me a lot, numerous times. But here’s the thing. Just know when to reach out to people, to your hoomans, when it gets too dark there, when it starts hurting you. You work things out, and you snap out of it. You come out of that dark place ‘cause no one else can do that for you. Life never is fair. You and I we both know that. But we can’t hold on to the past forever. People have hurt you. Every frigging person you ever trusted and loved unconditionally, have brought you pain. I know that. But that is life. People do that. Humans are flawed. You are flawed too. People have hurt you. But so have you. You’ve hurt people too. You’ve hurt people who tried to help you snap out of your dark place. This is going to be a hard to swallow pill, but I have to give it to you ‘cause no one else will. You like it this way. You’ve been so hurt your entire life, that you’ve started to like it. You can be happy, but yet you choose to be sad. You choose sadness over happiness. And you know what? There’s nothing wrong in it. Voila! You’ve figured out life! It’s depressing and eventually we all will die. So it’s okay to be sad. But find some moments of happiness too. It’ll be temporary, but it’s okay to be happy sometimes. You know this. So try to find happiness in the people around you. Be safe, sound and happy. You can always reach out to me whenever you need a friend to pull you out of your dark place in your head, or you can reach out to the few people who still care about you, and you know it damn well who all they are. So whenever it gets too dark, run towards the light. Don’t let the darkness consume you. There are a lot of depressed souls out there whom you need to cheer up. So buckle up, my boy, ‘cause you got a long life ahead of you. It’ll all be fine soon.
-Abhishek Gupta
Ishq kiya tha,
shiddat se tujhse, maine.
Ab sochta hoon, kyun?
Muddaton sath nibhaane
ka waada kiya tha tune.
Ab sochta hoon, kyun?
Tanha chhoda beech
raah mujhe yoon akele.
Ab sochta hoon, kyun?
Mushkil ho gaya ab ye
zindagi jeena mera, tum bin.
Ab sochta hoon, kyun?
Thak gaya hoon zindagi ke
is safar ko akela tay karte-karte.
Ab sochta hoon, Kyun?
Ishq kiya tha,
shiddat se tujhse, maine.
Ab sochta hoon, kyun?
Khatm karun is zindagi,
is dard-e-tanhayi ko.
Khud ko mayassar
kar raha hoon.
Par phir sochta hoon, kyun?
-Abhishek Gupta
Autumn arrived,
and the leaves,
left the branches
of the tree all alone.
But the tree stood
right where it was,
still and strong.
For it knew,
they’ll come back.
For it knew,
that’s how the nature works.
So you, too,
stay strong and
don’t give up.
For you’re just
like a tree, and
the moments of
happiness you feel
are the leaves.
Happiness might’ve left
you alone, for now.
But it’ll come back.
It always comes back.
For that’s the nature
of happiness.
It comes and goes,
just like the wind,
it never stays still.
So be the tree here,
and stand still and strong.
For your roots are
not so weak that you will
give up so soon on life.
-Abhishek Gupta
I felt it today.
After a long time.
Happiness.
I realised today,
that I had been
missing so many
things in life,
because I spent most
of my life,
being depressed,
clinging onto my past.
Today,
I decided to go out.
Small things,
like simply hanging
out with people who
love poetry the
same way you do,
can bring that
lost smile back
on your face.
I saw myself
happy, today.
I saw myself
smiling, today.
I even made new friends.
I am so proud of myself,
that I actually went out
and socialised so much.
I sang, played guitar,
and even rhymed the word scar,
with a car and my guitar.
My poetry was a disaster tho,
but I don’t remember the
last time I was this
carefree and euphoric.
I felt it today.
After a long time.
Happiness.
But then came,
the wave of sadness.
When I realised,
this happiness which
I found in these people,
will be vanished, again,
once I will leave,
and go back to
being myself.
I’ll again be lying
alone in my bed,
with the dark thoughts
feeding on my happiness,
eventually, consuming it all.
My heart is so
heavy right now,
because I know,
this happiness,
which I felt today,
is temporary.
I guess that’s why
I’m even writing this,
today, after such a
long time, because
writing is the only way
by which I can vent.
My heart is so
heavy right now.
I wish,
I could
be this
happy,
more
often.
I wish.
I wish.
I wish.
-Abhishek Gupta
Tujhe dekha aaj maine.
Kaafi waqt ke baad.
Ek jhalak mein
pehchan nahi
paaya tujhe.
Aisa din bhi aayega,
kabhi socha na tha.
Shayad sach mein ab
maine tujhe is dil se
nikaal phenka hai.
Waise,
kaafi sehmi si
thi aankhein teri,
Jhuki hui, nazre
churaati sabse.
Shayad mujhe dekh
teri aankhon ne tujhe,
teri bewafayi,
teri dagabaazi,
ki yaad dila di hogi.
Tujhe dekha aaj maine.
Kaafi waqt ke baad.
-Abhishek Gupta
Liquor in my hand.
I haven’t been drunk
for quite a while now.
I remember the last time I
held a liquor in my hand,
I drowned myself in it,
thinking it would help me,
to forget everything.
I feel like drowning
myself again.
But I know it won’t
help me, because,
it didn’t help me
the last time.
I’m drowning
in my sorrow.
-Abhishek Gupta