lost

How Do I Stop This Pain?

There’s a war brewing inside my head.
I’m so tired of this never ending sadness.
No more tears are left in my eyes to be shed.

To fight or not to fight?
I’m consumed by this darkness.
This darkness is getting stronger,
and my light is losing this fight.
I need to find the light.
Where’s the light?
Where’s the light?

I need to end this.
I need to know if I’m still sane.
Somebody, please stop this.
I don’t know how to stop this.
I feel all my efforts are going in vain.

Somebody, Please tell me.
How do I stop this pain?
How do I stop this pain?

-Abhishek Gupta

I wish

I felt it today.
After a long time.
Happiness.

I realised today,
that I had been
missing so many
things in life,
because I spent most
of my life,
being depressed,
clinging onto my past.

Today,
I decided to go out.
Small things,
like simply hanging
out with people who
love poetry the
same way you do,
can bring that
lost smile back
on your face.

I saw myself
happy, today.
I saw myself
smiling, today.

I even made new friends.
I am so proud of myself,
that I actually went out
and socialised so much.
I sang, played guitar,
and even rhymed the word scar,
with a car and my guitar.
My poetry was a disaster tho,
but I don’t remember the
last time I was this
carefree and euphoric.

I felt it today.
After a long time.
Happiness.

But then came,
the wave of sadness.

When I realised,
this happiness which
I found in these people,
will be vanished, again,
once I will leave,
and go back to
being myself.

I’ll again be lying
alone in my bed,
with the dark thoughts
feeding on my happiness,
eventually, consuming it all.

My heart is so
heavy right now,
because I know,
this happiness,
which I felt today,
is temporary.

I guess that’s why
I’m even writing this,
today, after such a
long time, because
writing is the only way
by which I can vent.
My heart is so
heavy right now.

I wish,
I could
be this
happy,
more
often.

I wish.
I wish.
I wish.

-Abhishek Gupta

Nightmare

The pen you gave me,
Before I went for my
first ever interview.
I threw it away, today.

The letter you wrote me,
where you confessed,
how you fell for me,
and what I meant to you.
I burnt it, today.

The keychain you gave me,
which had our initials
carved on it, as a reminder
of our profound love
for each other.
I thew it in the lake, today,
where we first kissed.

Our photos, every
frigging one of’em,
I tore them, today,
shredded them
into million pieces,
until I felt it couldn’t be
destroyed any further.

Your name, which I inked
on my wrist, I tried to wash
it off, but I couldn’t. I didn’t
have enough money left,
to remove it, so I burned it.
Because I was ready to bear
the pain of that burn rather
than this pain, this agony,
which my heart and I was
going through. I couldn’t
stand the fact that your
name was carved deep
in my skin, and I couldn’t
take it off. It disgusted me.

Lies, is what you fed me.
Broken hearted,
is what you made me.
You left me, alone,
so miserable, that
everyone now dreads me.
You said you loved me,
but I wasn’t the only one,
whom you said this to.
And when I saw it,
with my own eyes,it felt
like a dagger just pierced
right through my heart,
and dried, it bled me.

I threw away everything
which reminded me of you.
I destroyed everything
which reminded me of
how madly in love I was
with a person, who never
deserved any of my love.
But all of this for what?

I threw away everything.
I tried to erase you,
from my life.
But yet here we are,
in my memories,
a place which you will
never leave.

“Nightmare”

-Abhishek Gupta.

Read more about the article Past Present Future

Past Present Future

You can never go back to what you were. I can never go back to what I was. Our experiences change us. We evolve mentally, physically and emotionally with time. You need to accept yourself the way you’re now. Don’t think of the past, the things which made you happy. It’s in the past. Those people, those things which used to make you happy, aren’t there anymore. So find happiness in the things, the people you have now. Let bygones be bygones. Focus of present, because your present will shape your future. Always remember this.

-Abhishek Gupta

Lost

I’ve lost the track of time.
I’ve lost the track of life.
Baffled amongst these
Exorbitant corrupted humans.
Who have even corrupted,
The purest creation of all, love.
I have even lost the track,
That where’s my life heading,
in this dark, dark world?

-Abhishek Gupta.

Lost My Zest.

I’ve lost my zest for life.
I do not know, if it’ll ever come back to me.
I do not know, why have I, become like this.
I do not know, what to do next.
Void my life has become, it feels.
Void my heart has become, it feels.
Writing was my only escape.
Only thing, which kept me sane.
I have lost my vision, it feels.
I’m going insane, it feels.
All my efforts, to overcome this,
It’s all going in vain.
I don’t even understand,
Why am I even feeling this pain?
It’s consuming me, day by day, bit by bit.
I want to write, like I used to, once again.
But I don’t know if I ever
will be able to do that.
For it feels, it feels like I’ve lost my wit.

-Somebody, please save me?

-Drowning in thoughts.

-Abhishek Gupta.

Nomad.

My life, where is it leading me?
For this question, I got no answer.
Every day, I ask this, to myself.
Unanswered, every time, I fall asleep.
Long ago, I chose this path.
A journey, to accomplish my dreams.
So far, I’ve come, but now,
I don’t even remember,
What my dream used to be.
I am lost.
I am lost.
– Nomad.
– Abhishek Gupta.