Love

I Feel Nothing

I’ve lost so many people in my life, whom I loved from the core of my heart, that now I’ve become numb.

I’m not saying I’m saint and that I never made mistakes. I made mistakes, I overreacted in situations which could’ve been handled maturely, but I paid a heavy toll for my sensitive nature. I lost friends, who were precious to me more than myself.

But I tried to mend things, even though I was partly at fault. I decided to give them my love again, I tried to mend everything, but they refused it. Their ego didn’t let them accept their mistakes, so I ended up being hurt, all over again.

So yes, now, I don’t feel anything when I cut off people from my life, or if people cut me off from their life, because I’ve had enough of it, people playing with my feelings. My heart, now, is an abyss of nothingness. So those friends who ask me all the time, why did I change? Y’all are the reason I became what I am today.

-Abhishek Gupta

Alfaaz

मैं रहूँ या ना रहूँ, मेरे ये अल्फ़ाज़ हमेशा रहेंगे।
और जबतक ये रहेंगे, ये अल्फ़ाज़ तुमसे कहेंगे,
के मुस्कुरा कर ही जिया है इस ज़िंदगी को हुमेशा हमने,
और मुस्कुरा कर ही इस दास्ताँ-ए-ग़म को भी हम सहेंगे।

-Abhishek Gupta

Hope

We don’t always get what we want, what we deserve. Not everyone is lucky. I’ve struggled a lot in my life, and I’m still struggling. I had dreams. Big ass dreams. Couldn’t fulfill all of it. Because that’s life. Sometimes we don’t get what we want, so we need to learn to find happiness in what we have. If we are destined to do something big in life, we will do it, when the time is right. There’s a phrase in Hindi, which we need to learn by heart and respect it, “waqt se pehle, aur naseeb se zada kisi ko kuch nahi milta”. I’m not trying to demotivate any of you here. I am just telling you to face the truth. And keep working hard, so that someday you will reach that point in your life where you can actually try to fulfill all your dreams and live your life the way you always wanted to live. Accept the reality, but never lose hope. Hope is what keeps the fire within us, alive.

-Abhishek Gupta

Never Lose Hope

You’ll fall. You’re supposed to fall. That is inevitable. ‘Sometimes’ you have people around you, who will help you, to get up, but mostly this is not the case. You fall down. You’re hurt. You feel like giving up. But that’s what life is all about. So get used to it. Get used to of falling down and getting hurt. Because that’s how we learn and evolve. And then, you pick yourself up. You guide yourself. You LEARN from your mistakes. Always remember this, “the people you expect to be around, will not always be around, so you need to trust only one person, and that one person is YOU”. When it’s dark, you light your way and guide yourself home. People are temporary. YOU are constant, in your life. Trust yourself. Believe in yourself. No matter how hard it gets, never lose hope.

-Abhishek Gupta

Waited

You waited, but s/he never came back. Ykw sometimes people don’t come back & that’s okay, because they’re not supposed to be back.

-Abhishek Gupta

Ghosts

I was told to write what would I do if I was a ghost, but am I not a ghost already? When you die, your soul leaves your body, and the ones who get stuck in this world, we call them ghosts. That’s what people believe, right? But what do we call people whose souls have been torn apart umpteen times, whose dreams have been crushed ever since they were a kid. Aren’t these people dead already, inside. Aren’t these people, ghosts too, Just like me?

-Abhishek Gupta

Read more about the article Waqt

Waqt

Kuch kehna tha, aur ye
bojh e dil jo main Na Jane
Kabse banjaro ki tarah lekar phir raha hoon,
Usse zara halka karna tha.

Ke ek waqt tha,
jab teri palko pe aaye
har aansoon ko moti
samjh zameen par na
kabhi main girne deta tha.

Ke ek waqt tha,
Tere lafzon se nikle har alfaaz
Shehad se meethe lagte te,
jo mere in kaano me
din o raat,
goonjte rehte the.

Ke ek waqt tha,
Teri wo muskaan, aur wo haya,
mujhe dekh kar, ghayal sa kar deti
thi mujhe aur mere is dil ko.

Ke ek waqt tha,
Jab tere waaste is
duniya se lad sa jata tha.
Tere chehre par gar
gham ke saya bhi dikh jaye,
Toh kuch dar sa jata tha.
Anmol thi tu mere liye,
Tujhe mehfooz rakhne ke liye,
Kuch bhi kar sa jata tha.
Ke ek waqt tha,
Jab tere waaste is
duniya se lad sa jata tha.

Wo waqt kuch aur tha,
Ye waqt kuch aur hai. x2

Ab tere us soorat se mohabbat
nahi par beintehaan nafrat si ho gayi hai.
Kuch pyar baaki hai, aur shayad humesa rahega,
Par ab tere bina jeene ki aadat si ho gayi hai.
Tanha chhoda tune, uska gham nahi mujhe.
Gham toh hai is baat ka, ke is dil me,
mohabbat ke khilaaf tu ek beej is bo gayi hai.

Arre ja, tujhe kab roka tha Maine.
Ek bar bol kar to dekhti, par aise kyun
khud ko mujhse paraai si kar gayi.
Mujhe vafa e ishq ka paath padhaati thi.
Khud yoon aisi bewafai si kar gayi?

Bade shiddat se mobbat ki thi,
Par ab nafrat bhi dekh tu meri.
Aakhri saans tak, mudkar na
dekhunga main ab tujhe
Ab nafrat bhi tu dekh meri.

Mar gayi hai, jo mohabbat
mere dil me thi.
Aur uski qaatil tu hai.
Tere hath mere khoon se sane hai.
Dekh apne hathon ko,
Aur jee. Ye hi teri saza hai.
Par kabhi kisi aur ka dil yoon na todna,
Bas itni si meri ek aakhri raza hai.

Ke ek waqt tha,
Jab tere waaste is
duniya se lad sa jata tha.

Wo waqt kuch aur tha,
Ye waqt kuch aur hai.

-Abhishek Gupta

Read more about the article Past

Past

I wonder,
If you ever think of me.
Do you even remember my voice?
The way I used to be, around you?
Do you ever get that sense of euphoria,
thinking about OUR happy memories?
I wonder, if you even care,
that I’m even alive or not.

Like I always say,
It’s not the bad memories,
Which fucks you up from inside,
It’s the happy ones, because,
you know it’ll never happen again.

The moments we shared,
the happiness I felt, I know,
It’ll never come back to me.
I know I will never be able to
hold your hands again, ever.
I know, it’s all over now.
It’s been 6 years, after all.
The memories, it has started
to fade away, with time.
Your voice sounds like
a stranger to me now.
I know, it’s all over now.
It’s been 6 years, after all.

I’ve been carrying these dead
feelings for a long time now.
I guess the time has finally arrived.
The time to bury these memories,
these feelings, the agony and anguish,
which burns within this heart.

Today, I saw you with your love.
I saw, how happy you were,
Exactly like you used to be with me.
Whilst I was still struggling to
heal and mend this broken heart.
I believe, the time has come,
to end it, once and for all.

Finally,
I’m leaving my past,
where it belongs.

// in the past //

-Abhishek Gupta

Read more about the article Survivor

Survivor

I am standing at this side of the isle,
And I can see you, going away.
There’s nothing I can do, to stop you.
It’d would be something similar to
Me trying to not let the sand, in my fist, fall down.
See, here’s the thing, even if I try, I know,
It, the sand, is going to vanish in some time.

I don’t know, how to react.
I don’t know, how to enact.
I won’t be fine, well,
that I know, for the fact.
But how good I am
at burying my feelings,
deep inside my chest, alive.
Only I, know that.

But you know what,
I am exhausted now.
I’m tired of putting
that mask, on my face.
That mask of “I’m okay”.
Masquerading,
that I’m strong.
Whilst I’m not.

Consumed by the dark, I am.
Broken inside, yet alive, I am.
Maybe beyond fixing, aloof, I am.

But worry not, about me.
Alone, I might be,
But lonely,
I am not.

I know,
how strong,
I am.
However
my life is,
here’s
the thing,
Alive,
I am.

// survivor //

-Abhishek Gupta

Read more about the article Patthar Dil Insaan

Patthar Dil Insaan

Agar tab hum nadaan na hote.
Agar tab zindagi me aaye
wo toofan na hote.
Agar tab sath wo kuch
galat insaan na hote.
Nazarandaaz na kar paye jise,
Hue waise kuch apmaan na hote.
Toh shayad aaj hum logo
Ki nazron me yoon patthar dil
Insaan na hote.

Agar hume na mile hote wo dhoke.
kiye te Kasme vaade ke rahenge
Hum sath humesa, ek hoke.
Par ant me hua wahi na,
Ke hume akele sab sehna pada,
Kabhi hass ke, toh kabhi ro ke.

Ishq ki baat nahi kar raha hoon.

Pyar ka matlab sirf ishq nahi hota hai.
Pyar ke toh Anek prakaar ke hote hai.

Koi behen bankar,
Toh koi bhai bankar,
Koi dost bankar,
Koi mehboob bankar pyar deta.

Par jab in rishto ki dor toot jati hai na.
Toh is gham ko baant ne wala
Sath mein, Koi na rehta.

Shayad isliye log patthar dil ban jate hai.
Galti unki nahi, wo toh bas, apne aap ko
Us taklif ke samandar se bachaate hai.
Us taklif ke samandar se bachaate hai.

Aur ant me baat wahi pe aati hai.
Agar tab hum nadaan na hote.
Agar tab zindagi me aaye
wo toofan na hote.
Agar tab sath wo kuch
galat insaan na hote.
Nazarandaaz na kar paye jise,
Hue waise kuch apmaan na hote.
Toh shayad aaj hum logo
Ki nazron me yoon patthar dil
Insaan na hote.

-Abhishek Gupta.