pain

How Do I Stop This Pain?

There’s a war brewing inside my head.
I’m so tired of this never ending sadness.
No more tears are left in my eyes to be shed.

To fight or not to fight?
I’m consumed by this darkness.
This darkness is getting stronger,
and my light is losing this fight.
I need to find the light.
Where’s the light?
Where’s the light?

I need to end this.
I need to know if I’m still sane.
Somebody, please stop this.
I don’t know how to stop this.
I feel all my efforts are going in vain.

Somebody, Please tell me.
How do I stop this pain?
How do I stop this pain?

-Abhishek Gupta

My Heart Aches

My heart aches, every time
I think that you’ll never know
how much love I have for you,
in my heart. You look for this kind of love
everywhere else, in everyone else,
but you never look for it, in me.

I guess I’ll never be the one for you,
and I’m tired of being treated
like an option. I guess this is
where we part our ways.

The love you crave for,
was right in front of you.
If only you’d have opened
your eyes and seen it, but it’s okay.
This is how life works.

It’s time, for me to bid
you a final goodbye.

-Abhishek Gupta

Dream or Nightmare?

Ever woke up in the middle of the night, after a dream in which you were still together with that person who broke your heart and crushed it? You were happy in that dream. But then you wake up smiling, and after a few seconds you realise it was just a dream and then the bitter memories hit you back, it hits you real hard and then, you just breakdown in the middle of the night. Sobbing uncontrollably, until you get so exhausted that you fall asleep, again.

It breaks you from inside.

-Abhishek Gupta

How Have You Been?

How have you been?
Let’s catch up,
have some wine,
and conversate,
about how we always
trying to impersonate,
and trying to be
someone we’re not.
We are slowly
becoming
who we hate.
Life’s been hell lately,
but we tell everyone
it’s going great.
My mind, right now, is in
a pretty messed up state.
But I’m holding on, somehow,
telling myself to wait.
Wait for something good to happen,
something which’ll really be great.
Which’ll pull me out of
this miserable state.

But Hey,
how have YOU been?
Let’s catch up,
have some wine,
and conversate.

-Abhishek Gupta

Warrior

I loved someone once, with all my heart and soul. I’d have laid down my life for that person happily. That person meant the world to me. I met that someone during my darkest time, and that person pulled me out of the darkness, promising to be the light of my life. But in the end it didn’t matter, for that person pulled me out of the darkness just to drown me in the ocean of darkness later on. Oh, and I don’t know how to swim. That person knew this. I was left devastated and broken.

I trusted a friend once. Whom I considered a close confidante. Shared my life, my secrets and emotions. I do not open up to someone emotionally so easy, but I trusted this person. My friend was there, when I was drowning in the ocean of darkness. My friend, whom I treated like a brother, was that pillar of strength for me, because of whom I swam my way back to the ocean surface and eventually reached the shore. My friend, he was all that I was left with, when everyone abandoned me because of my deteriorating mental health. But one day, it turned out, he broke my trust too. He had his reasons to stick by my side. Once again, someone helped me to subside my demons just to throw me back to them at double the velocity I got away from them. Once again, I was left devastated and broken.

Devastated and broken? Yes. But am I still here, pretty much alive and still kickin’ ass? Hell yeah. Life knocked me down, and I got back up, and I always will. Because that’s what we’re supposed to do. Some people will see it this way, how devastated and broken I was, I still am somewhat. But I chose to see the good and bad, both. They broke me, but before they broke me, they helped me heal, too. So, no. I don’t have any hatred for them in my heart. I have no ill thoughts for them, because I learned an important lesson about life, because of them.

I learned that, no matter how hard life knocks us down, it’s “us” who decides whether we can get back up or not. Even if the world says, you won’t be able to get back up after that hit you took. YOU CAN GET BACK UP. All you need to do is BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. You’re a warrior and a warrior

NEVER

EVER

BACKS

DOWN.

-Abhishek Gupta

Grave

Tw: suicidal motifs.

I run through the sand, I stride.
So desperate to get away.
So desperate to hide.
I run towards the waves.
They’re calling me home.
They say, my soul,
only they can save.
I know, this is the end.
I’m running towards my grave.
But I trust them, I believe.
My soul, only they can save.

Once they pull me, inside.
Inside, I won’t have to run,
desperately trying to hide.
Inside, there’ll be no tears.
Inside, I’ll never have to
remember the times,
when I was left alone,
the times, when I cried.

I’m telling myself
Don’t be afraid.
I’m telling myself
Don’t be afraid.
It’s time, it’s time.
We’re going home.

-Abhishek Gupta

Nadi Ki Tarah

Is zindagi ke safar mein,
ek nadi ki tarah main
humesha behta chala gaya.
Har gham, har dhokhe,
Jo mile mujhe,
mere hi apnon se,
Main chup chap,
sab yoon sehta chala gaya.
Par na maani haar
zindagi mein kabhi,
Kamzor nahi hoon,
na jhukunga kabhi,
Aisa main khud ko har pal
har lamha kehta chala gaya.
Aisa main khud ko har pal
har lamha kehta chala gaya.

Gira hoon zindagi ke har
padaav mein,
kabhi na kabhi.
Par kabhi ruka nahi.
Humesha utha aur
aage badhta gaya.
Log aksar tanha chhod
Jaate hai is safar mein,
Isi ka naam zindagi hai.
Aisa main apne toote dil
ko kehta chala gaya.

Is zindagi ke safar mein,
Ek nadi ki tarah main
humesha behta chala gaya.
Ek nadi ki tarah main
humesha behta chala gaya.

-Abhishek Gupta.

Mayassar

Ishq kiya tha,
shiddat se tujhse, maine.
Ab sochta hoon, kyun?

Muddaton sath nibhaane
ka waada kiya tha tune.
Ab sochta hoon, kyun?

Tanha chhoda beech
raah mujhe yoon akele.
Ab sochta hoon, kyun?

Mushkil ho gaya ab ye
zindagi jeena mera, tum bin.
Ab sochta hoon, kyun?

Thak gaya hoon zindagi ke
is safar ko akela tay karte-karte.
Ab sochta hoon, Kyun?

Ishq kiya tha,
shiddat se tujhse, maine.
Ab sochta hoon, kyun?

Khatm karun is zindagi,
is dard-e-tanhayi ko.
Khud ko mayassar
kar raha hoon.
Par phir sochta hoon, kyun?

-Abhishek Gupta

Life/Tree

Autumn arrived,
and the leaves,
left the branches
of the tree all alone.
But the tree stood
right where it was,
still and strong.

For it knew,
they’ll come back.
For it knew,
that’s how the nature works.

So you, too,
stay strong and
don’t give up.
For you’re just
like a tree, and
the moments of
happiness you feel
are the leaves.

Happiness might’ve left
you alone, for now.
But it’ll come back.
It always comes back.
For that’s the nature
of happiness.
It comes and goes,
just like the wind,
it never stays still.

So be the tree here,
and stand still and strong.
For your roots are
not so weak that you will
give up so soon on life.

-Abhishek Gupta

I wish

I felt it today.
After a long time.
Happiness.

I realised today,
that I had been
missing so many
things in life,
because I spent most
of my life,
being depressed,
clinging onto my past.

Today,
I decided to go out.
Small things,
like simply hanging
out with people who
love poetry the
same way you do,
can bring that
lost smile back
on your face.

I saw myself
happy, today.
I saw myself
smiling, today.

I even made new friends.
I am so proud of myself,
that I actually went out
and socialised so much.
I sang, played guitar,
and even rhymed the word scar,
with a car and my guitar.
My poetry was a disaster tho,
but I don’t remember the
last time I was this
carefree and euphoric.

I felt it today.
After a long time.
Happiness.

But then came,
the wave of sadness.

When I realised,
this happiness which
I found in these people,
will be vanished, again,
once I will leave,
and go back to
being myself.

I’ll again be lying
alone in my bed,
with the dark thoughts
feeding on my happiness,
eventually, consuming it all.

My heart is so
heavy right now,
because I know,
this happiness,
which I felt today,
is temporary.

I guess that’s why
I’m even writing this,
today, after such a
long time, because
writing is the only way
by which I can vent.
My heart is so
heavy right now.

I wish,
I could
be this
happy,
more
often.

I wish.
I wish.
I wish.

-Abhishek Gupta