pain

Nightmare

The pen you gave me,
Before I went for my
first ever interview.
I threw it away, today.

The letter you wrote me,
where you confessed,
how you fell for me,
and what I meant to you.
I burnt it, today.

The keychain you gave me,
which had our initials
carved on it, as a reminder
of our profound love
for each other.
I thew it in the lake, today,
where we first kissed.

Our photos, every
frigging one of’em,
I tore them, today,
shredded them
into million pieces,
until I felt it couldn’t be
destroyed any further.

Your name, which I inked
on my wrist, I tried to wash
it off, but I couldn’t. I didn’t
have enough money left,
to remove it, so I burned it.
Because I was ready to bear
the pain of that burn rather
than this pain, this agony,
which my heart and I was
going through. I couldn’t
stand the fact that your
name was carved deep
in my skin, and I couldn’t
take it off. It disgusted me.

Lies, is what you fed me.
Broken hearted,
is what you made me.
You left me, alone,
so miserable, that
everyone now dreads me.
You said you loved me,
but I wasn’t the only one,
whom you said this to.
And when I saw it,
with my own eyes,it felt
like a dagger just pierced
right through my heart,
and dried, it bled me.

I threw away everything
which reminded me of you.
I destroyed everything
which reminded me of
how madly in love I was
with a person, who never
deserved any of my love.
But all of this for what?

I threw away everything.
I tried to erase you,
from my life.
But yet here we are,
in my memories,
a place which you will
never leave.

“Nightmare”

-Abhishek Gupta.

jhalak

Tujhe dekha aaj maine.
Kaafi waqt ke baad.

Ek jhalak mein
pehchan nahi
paaya tujhe.
Aisa din bhi aayega,
kabhi socha na tha.
Shayad sach mein ab
maine tujhe is dil se
nikaal phenka hai.

Waise,
kaafi sehmi si
thi aankhein teri,
Jhuki hui, nazre
churaati sabse.
Shayad mujhe dekh
teri aankhon ne tujhe,
teri bewafayi,
teri dagabaazi,
ki yaad dila di hogi.

Tujhe dekha aaj maine.
Kaafi waqt ke baad.

-Abhishek Gupta

Happiness

Stop trying to seek happiness.
Stop being so hard on yourself.
When you’re sad, be sad.
Don’t force yourself to be happy.
Your sadness will eventually subside.
And you will start smiling again.

Always remember this.
You don’t find happiness.
Happiness finds you.

-Abhishek Gupta

This Time

This time,
I won’t let anyone
take away this smile
and my happiness, from me.

This time,
I’m going to rise
back up, stronger.

This time,
I won’t let anyone
break my heart.

This time,
I will protect it,
and I’ll protect myself,
because this time,
I won’t let anyone
take away this smile
and my happiness, from me.

-Abhishek Gupta

I Feel Nothing

I’ve lost so many people in my life, whom I loved from the core of my heart, that now I’ve become numb.

I’m not saying I’m saint and that I never made mistakes. I made mistakes, I overreacted in situations which could’ve been handled maturely, but I paid a heavy toll for my sensitive nature. I lost friends, who were precious to me more than myself.

But I tried to mend things, even though I was partly at fault. I decided to give them my love again, I tried to mend everything, but they refused it. Their ego didn’t let them accept their mistakes, so I ended up being hurt, all over again.

So yes, now, I don’t feel anything when I cut off people from my life, or if people cut me off from their life, because I’ve had enough of it, people playing with my feelings. My heart, now, is an abyss of nothingness. So those friends who ask me all the time, why did I change? Y’all are the reason I became what I am today.

-Abhishek Gupta

Alfaaz

मैं रहूँ या ना रहूँ, मेरे ये अल्फ़ाज़ हमेशा रहेंगे।
और जबतक ये रहेंगे, ये अल्फ़ाज़ तुमसे कहेंगे,
के मुस्कुरा कर ही जिया है इस ज़िंदगी को हुमेशा हमने,
और मुस्कुरा कर ही इस दास्ताँ-ए-ग़म को भी हम सहेंगे।

-Abhishek Gupta

Read more about the article Past Present Future

Past Present Future

You can never go back to what you were. I can never go back to what I was. Our experiences change us. We evolve mentally, physically and emotionally with time. You need to accept yourself the way you’re now. Don’t think of the past, the things which made you happy. It’s in the past. Those people, those things which used to make you happy, aren’t there anymore. So find happiness in the things, the people you have now. Let bygones be bygones. Focus of present, because your present will shape your future. Always remember this.

-Abhishek Gupta

Hope

We don’t always get what we want, what we deserve. Not everyone is lucky. I’ve struggled a lot in my life, and I’m still struggling. I had dreams. Big ass dreams. Couldn’t fulfill all of it. Because that’s life. Sometimes we don’t get what we want, so we need to learn to find happiness in what we have. If we are destined to do something big in life, we will do it, when the time is right. There’s a phrase in Hindi, which we need to learn by heart and respect it, “waqt se pehle, aur naseeb se zada kisi ko kuch nahi milta”. I’m not trying to demotivate any of you here. I am just telling you to face the truth. And keep working hard, so that someday you will reach that point in your life where you can actually try to fulfill all your dreams and live your life the way you always wanted to live. Accept the reality, but never lose hope. Hope is what keeps the fire within us, alive.

-Abhishek Gupta

Pain and Love

Pain and love.
What’s the link
between these
two words?

For me,
They’re both
The same.

For me,
Pain, have
Become a
Metaphor
Of love.

-Abhishek Gupta.

It still hurts

I was doing fine.
I was on my way
To find bliss, again.

But then,
You came back.
Of Course,
in my memories.

It kills me.
Every time,
I think of you.

It still hurts, the same,
Like it did, when you
broke my heart.

It’s just that,
I don’t talk about it, anymore.
So now, no one can see it.

-Abhishek Gupta.