I know who’s my
genuine friend
and who’s not.
I know who stood
by my side when
I had hit rock bottom,
and I know who did not.
It’s so strange, those
who who always used
to claim to have my back
were never to be found
when I needed them.
So I know, who’s
my genuine friend,
and who’s not.
-Abhishek Gupta
So many people, whom I
used to talk to all the time.
So many people, with whom I
used to spend so much of time.
We treat each others like
complete strangers now.
The sad is part is, nothing
went wrong between us.
We simply grew apart.
We grew so apart, that now,
it feels like we never
even knew each other.
It’s like we never even met.
-Abhishek Gupta
People forget you.
That is how people are.
Then they’ll remember you.
Out of the blue,
they’ll reach out to you.
They’ll talk to you,
and tell you how much
they’ve missed you.
And once they start feeling
better, after talking to you.
They’ll forget about you,
again, in a blink of an eye.
This is an endless cycle.
It goes on and on and on.
We just get used to it.
So we never complain.
Because, ah there’s no
“because” to this thing.
We simply get used to
of being treated like this.
Because, that is
how people are.
-Abhishek Gupta.
Ever woke up in the middle of the night, after a dream in which you were still together with that person who broke your heart and crushed it? You were happy in that dream. But then you wake up smiling, and after a few seconds you realise it was just a dream and then the bitter memories hit you back, it hits you real hard and then, you just breakdown in the middle of the night. Sobbing uncontrollably, until you get so exhausted that you fall asleep, again.
It breaks you from inside.
-Abhishek Gupta
How have you been?
Let’s catch up,
have some wine,
and conversate,
about how we always
trying to impersonate,
and trying to be
someone we’re not.
We are slowly
becoming
who we hate.
Life’s been hell lately,
but we tell everyone
it’s going great.
My mind, right now, is in
a pretty messed up state.
But I’m holding on, somehow,
telling myself to wait.
Wait for something good to happen,
something which’ll really be great.
Which’ll pull me out of
this miserable state.
But Hey,
how have YOU been?
Let’s catch up,
have some wine,
and conversate.
-Abhishek Gupta
I loved someone once, with all my heart and soul. I’d have laid down my life for that person happily. That person meant the world to me. I met that someone during my darkest time, and that person pulled me out of the darkness, promising to be the light of my life. But in the end it didn’t matter, for that person pulled me out of the darkness just to drown me in the ocean of darkness later on. Oh, and I don’t know how to swim. That person knew this. I was left devastated and broken.
I trusted a friend once. Whom I considered a close confidante. Shared my life, my secrets and emotions. I do not open up to someone emotionally so easy, but I trusted this person. My friend was there, when I was drowning in the ocean of darkness. My friend, whom I treated like a brother, was that pillar of strength for me, because of whom I swam my way back to the ocean surface and eventually reached the shore. My friend, he was all that I was left with, when everyone abandoned me because of my deteriorating mental health. But one day, it turned out, he broke my trust too. He had his reasons to stick by my side. Once again, someone helped me to subside my demons just to throw me back to them at double the velocity I got away from them. Once again, I was left devastated and broken.
Devastated and broken? Yes. But am I still here, pretty much alive and still kickin’ ass? Hell yeah. Life knocked me down, and I got back up, and I always will. Because that’s what we’re supposed to do. Some people will see it this way, how devastated and broken I was, I still am somewhat. But I chose to see the good and bad, both. They broke me, but before they broke me, they helped me heal, too. So, no. I don’t have any hatred for them in my heart. I have no ill thoughts for them, because I learned an important lesson about life, because of them.
I learned that, no matter how hard life knocks us down, it’s “us” who decides whether we can get back up or not. Even if the world says, you won’t be able to get back up after that hit you took. YOU CAN GET BACK UP. All you need to do is BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. You’re a warrior and a warrior
NEVER
EVER
BACKS
DOWN.
-Abhishek Gupta
Tw: suicidal motifs.
I run through the sand, I stride.
So desperate to get away.
So desperate to hide.
I run towards the waves.
They’re calling me home.
They say, my soul,
only they can save.
I know, this is the end.
I’m running towards my grave.
But I trust them, I believe.
My soul, only they can save.
Once they pull me, inside.
Inside, I won’t have to run,
desperately trying to hide.
Inside, there’ll be no tears.
Inside, I’ll never have to
remember the times,
when I was left alone,
the times, when I cried.
I’m telling myself
Don’t be afraid.
I’m telling myself
Don’t be afraid.
It’s time, it’s time.
We’re going home.
-Abhishek Gupta
Do I feel lonely at times? Yes. There are so many people I’ve lost while trying to find a purpose of my life, a reason to live, a reason which will give me the motivation, the strength to get up the next morning and start working on myself and my purpose of life, again. I met so many people in my life. I loved some of them, I hated some of them, but I never thought ill for anyone, even if they did for me. Every time anyone needed me, I was there, as a friend, brother, lover or fam. I was there. But most of the time, I was left alone, once I was not needed anymore. The people I loved the most, they abandoned me. I know, that they know, that they were wrong somewhere, and so was I, but I was there for them even at their lowest, but they were never there for me. For a long time, I felt like a left out, like a unlovable person, like a guy who has no purpose in life. It’s really depressing. I just accidentally stumble upon peoples’ lives, give them love and support when they need it, help them and always stand by there side, and when the time is right, when I know they don’t need me anymore, I leave, or should I say, they leave me. All this time, I thought I am a lost cause, without a purpose, but I, now, realise that I’m already serving my purpose. What I never got, I give it to people. Unconditional love and support. It’s okay if I don’t get it back. I do it with no strings attached. I may be a loner, but I’m proud of myself, that I’ve brought smiles on the faces of a lot of people. I know, that they all know, they did me wrong. I did some wrong to them as well, but I always had a heart to make it all up to them again, unlike them. Well, I’m going to keep doing what I do. God bless y’all. Be well! xx
-Abhishek Gupta.
Would you love me,
even when the world
will be against me?
Would you love me,
when my head will be
filled with self doubt?
Would you love me,
knowing the fact that
I have no will to live,
and that I think about
ending my life twice a day?
Would you love me,
even when I don’t
love myself?
Would you love me,
and pull me out of
this miserable life
I am living right now?
But wait,
who am I even asking
these questions to?
You,
don’t
even
exist.
-Abhishek Gupta
This time,
I won’t let anyone
take away this smile
and my happiness, from me.
This time,
I’m going to rise
back up, stronger.
This time,
I won’t let anyone
break my heart.
This time,
I will protect it,
and I’ll protect myself,
because this time,
I won’t let anyone
take away this smile
and my happiness, from me.
-Abhishek Gupta