Purpose

Do I feel lonely at times? Yes. There are so many people I’ve lost while trying to find a purpose of my life, a reason to live, a reason which will give me the motivation, the strength to get up the next morning and start working on myself and my purpose of life, again. I met so many people in my life. I loved some of them, I hated some of them, but I never thought ill for anyone, even if they did for me. Every time anyone needed me, I was there, as a friend, brother, lover or fam. I was there. But most of the time, I was left alone, once I was not needed anymore. The people I loved the most, they abandoned me. I know, that they know, that they were wrong somewhere, and so was I, but I was there for them even at their lowest, but they were never there for me. For a long time, I felt like a left out, like a unlovable person, like a guy who has no purpose in life. It’s really depressing. I just accidentally stumble upon peoples’ lives, give them love and support when they need it, help them and always stand by there side, and when the time is right, when I know they don’t need me anymore, I leave, or should I say, they leave me. All this time, I thought I am a lost cause, without a purpose, but I, now, realise that I’m already serving my purpose. What I never got, I give it to people. Unconditional love and support. It’s okay if I don’t get it back. I do it with no strings attached. I may be a loner, but I’m proud of myself, that I’ve brought smiles on the faces of a lot of people. I know, that they all know, they did me wrong. I did some wrong to them as well, but I always had a heart to make it all up to them again, unlike them. Well, I’m going to keep doing what I do. God bless y’all. Be well! xx

-Abhishek Gupta.

jhalak

Tujhe dekha aaj maine.
Kaafi waqt ke baad.

Ek jhalak mein
pehchan nahi
paaya tujhe.
Aisa din bhi aayega,
kabhi socha na tha.
Shayad sach mein ab
maine tujhe is dil se
nikaal phenka hai.

Waise,
kaafi sehmi si
thi aankhein teri,
Jhuki hui, nazre
churaati sabse.
Shayad mujhe dekh
teri aankhon ne tujhe,
teri bewafayi,
teri dagabaazi,
ki yaad dila di hogi.

Tujhe dekha aaj maine.
Kaafi waqt ke baad.

-Abhishek Gupta

Chaos

I miss myself at times.

I miss the person I once
used to be, before that
chaos tumbled
my life down.

A chaos
called
Love.

-Abhishek Gupta

Tabaahi

Galti teri nahi.
Galti meri thi.
Ke bharosa kiya tujhpe.

Pak tha dil ka.
Shayad isliye tere lafzon par
Yakeen kar
kafan baandh apne
tabahi ki oor chal baitha.

Aur us tabaahi ka naam
Ishq tha.

-Abhishek Gupta

Happiness

Stop trying to seek happiness.
Stop being so hard on yourself.
When you’re sad, be sad.
Don’t force yourself to be happy.
Your sadness will eventually subside.
And you will start smiling again.

Always remember this.
You don’t find happiness.
Happiness finds you.

-Abhishek Gupta

The Red Door

Can you save me?
From these fucked up
subliminal suicidal thoughts
which lurk inside my head.

Can you save me?
From the sleep paralysis
I suffer while I lay down still,
waiting for me to die in my bed.

Can you save me?
From my past,
which keeps coming back to me.
It comes back every night,
holds my hand, and
drags me towards that door.
That fucking door,
which looks blood soaked red.
ON my past and my losses,
my anxiety has fed.
I don’t remember how many times,
“I don’t wanna go in there,
please leave me alone”
I said.

But it never stops. It keeps dragging me
towards that door, that fucking door
which looks blood soaked red.

I don’t know what
lies ahead for me in life.
I don’t know if
I’m going to live my dreams,
Or I’m going to die,
giving up seeing all this strife.
I don’t know if I’ll ever fall in love again.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get to feel
how it feels to be loved again.
I don’t know if someone is
already trying to love me,
For I’m too busy isolating myself
and pushing people away.

I’m drowning in this
abyss of loneliness,
I want to be saved,
I want to save myself.
I don’t wanna die alone,
please pull me out of this hell.
Or I might, soon end up dead.

Can you save me?
From these fucked up
subliminal suicidal thoughts
which lurk inside my head.

-Abhishek Gupta

Thanks Dad

I leave my work pressure, stress, anger and frustration behind once I leave my office after a whole day of work. I tend to not bring the negativity of the outside world in my home, which is the only place where I find love, peace of mind and happiness. My father taught me this lesson in life that home is supposed to be a safe space for you, so never bring the negativity here and spread it to your family, friends and loved ones.

Thank you for teaching me this dad.

-Abhishek Gupta

Alfaaz

मैं रहूँ या ना रहूँ, मेरे ये अल्फ़ाज़ हमेशा रहेंगे।
और जबतक ये रहेंगे, ये अल्फ़ाज़ तुमसे कहेंगे,
के मुस्कुरा कर ही जिया है इस ज़िंदगी को हुमेशा हमने,
और मुस्कुरा कर ही इस दास्ताँ-ए-ग़म को भी हम सहेंगे।

-Abhishek Gupta

Past Present Future

You can never go back to what you were. I can never go back to what I was. Our experiences change us. We evolve mentally, physically and emotionally with time. You need to accept yourself the way you’re now. Don’t think of the past, the things which made you happy. It’s in the past. Those people, those things which used to make you happy, aren’t there anymore. So find happiness in the things, the people you have now. Let bygones be bygones. Focus of present, because your present will shape your future. Always remember this.

-Abhishek Gupta

Hope

We don’t always get what we want, what we deserve. Not everyone is lucky. I’ve struggled a lot in my life, and I’m still struggling. I had dreams. Big ass dreams. Couldn’t fulfill all of it. Because that’s life. Sometimes we don’t get what we want, so we need to learn to find happiness in what we have. If we are destined to do something big in life, we will do it, when the time is right. There’s a phrase in Hindi, which we need to learn by heart and respect it, “waqt se pehle, aur naseeb se zada kisi ko kuch nahi milta”. I’m not trying to demotivate any of you here. I am just telling you to face the truth. And keep working hard, so that someday you will reach that point in your life where you can actually try to fulfill all your dreams and live your life the way you always wanted to live. Accept the reality, but never lose hope. Hope is what keeps the fire within us, alive.

-Abhishek Gupta