prose

How Do I Stop This Pain?

There’s a war brewing inside my head.
I’m so tired of this never ending sadness.
No more tears are left in my eyes to be shed.

To fight or not to fight?
I’m consumed by this darkness.
This darkness is getting stronger,
and my light is losing this fight.
I need to find the light.
Where’s the light?
Where’s the light?

I need to end this.
I need to know if I’m still sane.
Somebody, please stop this.
I don’t know how to stop this.
I feel all my efforts are going in vain.

Somebody, Please tell me.
How do I stop this pain?
How do I stop this pain?

-Abhishek Gupta

Here

I am here.
Right here.
Where I was.
Standing still.
Waiting for you.
To look back once.
But you won’t.
You always,
used to say,
life goes on.
But mine,
It stopped.
I am here.
Right here.

-Abhishek Gupta.

Do not give up.

I know, you’re tired.

I know, it’s been tough.

Life has become so rough.

Betrayal, sorrow, despair.

I, too, know how it feels.

Life has been testing you,

Life always does that.

After a stormy night, 

Dawns a sun, beautiful and bright.

So, do not give up, my friend.

Not so easily, not without a fight.

Do not give up. Look up into the sky. 

You see those thunderous clouds there?

Once these clouds disappear. 

You will see, you will see, not afar, 

Is the sky, the moon and the stars.

– Hope.

– Abhishek Gupta.

Answer me.

Afar, we were, for a long time.

Afar, we were, for you walked away.

Love, is what I thought, we had for each other.

Here, you were, with me, in my days,

in my days, when they were bright.

But, you hurled me away, left me, when

I was facing the darkest time of my life?

Never, you came back, 

Never, you explained,

why you wreaked havoc on me?

My love, this heart, belonged to you,

and you crushed it into pieces,

leaving this wreckage behind,

this wreckage of misery.

Today, here, I see you, 

Today, here, I see you,

with someone, you say, you love.

Isn’t that, exactly, what you once,

used to tell me, too?

Answers, I want from you.

‘Cause, I deserve to know, why,

why did I suffer so much,

why did you put me through

those torments that tore me apart?

Answers, I want from you.

‘Cause, you walked away, so quietly,

without saying a word, vanished, from my life,

as if we, us, together, never existed, leaving,

not even a single, not even a single, trace.

Answers, I want from you.

‘Cause, now that we’re here,

right here, standing, face to face.

– Agony.

– Abhishek Gupta.

I care.

I care.

I still care.

My bipolarity overpowers me.

Yesterday, there was no love, no care,

but, today I feel it, again, that I care.

I care about you, even though,

It doesn’t matter to you, 

if I’m alive or am I dead.

I care, because, there’s still,

some love left inside of me.

It terrifies me how much I care.

I would still do anything for you.

I care.

I still care.

– Love is evil.

– Abhishek Gupta.